Well...it's official. I'm an adult.I don't know, maybe that's not fair. The maturity (I think) has been there, and perhaps it's unfair to quantify adulthood by whether or not one has a salaried job with benefits, but it sure as hell feels like adulthood to me.
I finished signing all my papers for disability insurance, pre-tax medical allowance account, and health benefits the other day. After years of relying on someone for financial stability, it was liberating. I suddenly felt like I was responsible and planning for the future, something I'd been wanting to do for a long time, but never had the means to do it.
On top of all this, I have a steady income from a job that I absolutely love. This past week was the hardest for me by far, but I still love it. And I know it by no means will be the last "hardest week yet", but I feel confident that I've found my calling - at least for now. It's definitely a list-making job. I would get totally lost, overwhelmed, and go crazy if I didn't make lists. The paperwork and constant communication with parents, principals, counselors, special-ed instructors, coaches, students is insane. I feel like it never ends. It may just be that it's the beginning of the 1st 6 weeks, but I am barely hanging on. It's not freaking me out however, and in the past a situation like this would have caused incredible anxiety, so it seems that I'm being watched over and taken care of. Or perhaps a less metaphysical explanation would be simply that I am happy in my career.
I've been happily inside my head quite a bit over the last few weeks since school started, thinking about how long it's taken me to get to the point I'm at now, and what that journey has been like. It took me years to finish my undergraduate education, which people often laugh about when they hear (I have no problem with this - I laugh too). That fact used to upset me - that I was a failure in some sense, but I see now that I simply would not have been ready. I'm amazed that my sensitivity allowed me over a year ago to feel God saying, "Your life is about to change dramatically - the next year is going to be painfully hard." And it was. Jumping off with no safety net from my job at the marketing research firm, taking a job that didn't support me financially at a non-profit, living in that and loving it for a year, and then realizing that it wasn't a life path, but a stepping stone to where I am now. I've never felt so full and blessed in my life. Never felt so independent and strong. It's exhilirating.
One step at a time, but I'm finally at the point where I'm ready to fall in love, to share a life with someone, to start a new chapter in my own life. For now I need to get through this chapter - this transitionary "new found independence" chapter. I just pray every day that God has done or is doing for my future significant other what he has done for me - painfully broken me apart and drastically remolded me into the being I am now. I find myself actually looking forward to the continuing transitions that will undoubtedly be painful at times, but will eventually be the most beautiful thing ever experienced.
Cool thanks for sharing. We need to hang out - it's been way too long!
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